This is for fun. As always, don’t take me seriously, and try to not get offended by innocent fun.
The NFL season is slowly approaching which is great because football is the best sport in the universe but also not great because certain fanbases will also have reasons to scream.
I put together a list of the 10 most annoying NFL fan bases. I’m a Bengals fan, and I assure, we’re not annoying. We know we suck. We come into every season knowing that. We’re not loud. We’re immune to your jokes. These 10 are very loud and very annoying.
No order here. All of these fanbases are equally unbearable.
While I want to feel bad for Redskins fans due to their incompetent owner, I can’t. The ones who defend their nickname base their argument around wanting to preserve “history”. What history? The Redskins suck, and the only history is one of them thinking that they’re as important to the league as the Cowboys. Doug Williams ain’t walking through that door, folks.
RG settle-for-3 having a great rookie year and taking the Skins to the playoffs was beautiful because it inspired false hope. Nothing is better than watching a fanbase believe they have a chance, only to witness their team fail tragically.
The Redskins are also coached by JAY Gruden. It’d be unfair to Jim Belushi to call Jay Gruden the Jim Belushi of the Gruden’s, if that makes sense.
If I was to do this type of list for every sport, Philly would see itself on all of them. As both a regular city and sporting city, Philly is the worst. Take the drunken obnoxiousness of Boston fans, add in the violent crime and hard drugs of Baltimore, and you have Philly.
You know that episode of Always Sunny where the gang tried to go the World Series smashed on “riot juice”? That’s how the average Philly fan treats a preseason game.
Also, Eagles fans act like Chip Kelly is already in the HOF despite the fact that he hasn’t done anything besides blow up the roster. Chip Kelly this, Chip Kelly that. I give him until 2018 before he’s back calling plays in college.
Green Bay Packers
If you’ve ever owned, worn, or even dreamt of wearing a “cheese head”…..you need to sign up for one of those trips to Mars and just stay there. It’s easily the dumbest piece of fan attire in the world. There’s no possible way to wear a cheese head and not look like an idiot.
WE GET IT. You guys have good cheese in Wisconsin. You know where else you can get good cheese? Literally anywhere.
The worst thing about Midwestern hicks is that they don’t even realize they’re hicks. But they are. You know why Packers fan acted like that pervy Brett Favre dick pic scandal never happened? Because they don’t know what cell phones are yet, that’s why.
New England Patriots
Pats fans loves to talk about how everybody hates them. They’re right, everybody does hate them. But it’s not because we’re “jealous that you always win” or because we’re just “haters”. Don’t flatter yourselves. We hate you guys because your team has been involved in MULTIPLE cheating scandals. We hate you guys because your coach comes off as a smug narcissist better at making the Kanye face than Kanye. We hate you because you act like Tom Brady is a saint for taking a slight pay cut when in reality he can do so because his wife makes twice as much as him.
Want to know how saintly Brady is? He left his pregnant fiancee once he realized he was sort of famous and could date a supermodel. He really should’ve been a regular on Entourage.
I live in New England, surrounded by Pats fans. They really are quite awful, and that’s upsetting because the actual team is always one of the most fun to watch.
San Francisco 49ers
Please, tell me more about how Colin Kaepernick is going to revolutionize the QB position. Tell me more about how your brand new stadium named after a denim company is the nicest in the league. When people from San Fran talk about football, like anything else, they love to act like they’re better than you.
If the 49ers are so great, why are all their players retiring? Back to Colin Kaepernick…what a melvin. He looks like the type of dude who would post Drake lyrics to caption an IG post. OH WAIT HE DID DO THAT.
Bears fans, even the young ones, looooove to remind you of that ’85 team. That was THIRTY years ago. Thirty. Now they think their stock is rising because they just hired John Fox as head coach. Fox is basically the white Lovie Smith. With that being said, Lovie took the Bears to the SB with Rex Grossman at QB so I’m saying there’s a chance.
I also don’t understand why Bears fans are so quick to hate on Jay Cutler. Chicago is a smarter sports city than this. They should be able to realize that their problems stem far beyond Cutler.
It’s cool. Keep talking about that ’85 team. But heed the words of Tony Soprano, “remember when is the lowest form of conversation”.
New York Jets
When deciding which NY team to include, ultimately, I went with the Jets because at least Giants fan have some reason to be pompous instigators. How many Jets fans does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Trick question. Any real Jets fan would smash the lightbulb into pieces and then unfairly blame Rex Ryan.
The worst thing about Jets fans is that, for reasons unknown, they truly believe that their franchise is amongst the marquee ones in the NFL. The Jets are not a flagship franchise. The Jets just blow, and so do their fans.
And then there’s that stupid chant, “J-E-T-S, Jets! Jets! Jets!”. Not only does it sound like crap on a nursery rhyme level, but, CONGRATULATIONS, you guys can actually spell the word “Jets”.
I hate everything about the Steelers and their fans. Grrrrrrr…grit ‘n balls…grrrrrrr…power football…grrrrrr…steal curtain…grrrrr. The reality is that the Steelers haven’t been that team in five years. They’re only relevant because their 33 year-old QB is still just as good at scoring inside the red zone as he is inside a college bar (zing!).
You probably have a relative who fought in Korea and likes to watch the Steelers while slugging down Yuengling light. That same relative also probably loves to tell you how our country is going to shit because we don’t make anything anymore. Don’t listen to this relative.
Also, the Steelers star RB, Le’Veon Bell, is suspended for three games and when he got arrested he said, “I didn’t know you could get a DUI for being high”. What a true Steeler. That’s got to be one of the great athlete quotes of all time.
The Cowboys really are America’s team. They love to overpay underperforming white guys when things go right and chastise talented black guys when things go wrong. They turn the other cheek when it comes to almost every criminal issue. And their owner looks like he used to respectfully disagree with Robert E. Lee on cavalry tactics.
The thing about Cowboys fans is that many of them aren’t actually Cowboys fans, they just only know two or three teams and conveniently pick one when they notice that all the normal guys and girls at the bar like football.
The Cowboys have a good team right now, which is lame. If they win a Super Bowl there will be so many people across the country acting like they’ve been fans since Michael Irvin was doing lines in the locker room.
Raiders fans are so bad, the fact that most of them have butterfly knives at the ready in the bleachers isn’t even close to the worst thing about them.
“Just win, baby” as the late Al Davis loved to say. In recent years, it’s been more like “Just draft college underachievers with good 40 times, baby”. I think the Bay area is cool and all but when it comes to being football fans they are annoying.
The Raiders fanbase is one of the many that needs to stop living in the past. We don’t care about Bo Jackson or John Madden, yeesh.