Listicle: 6 things you can probably find on BuzzFeed

The following is meant to be humorous and isn’t intended as criticism of anybody. Besides, if you get offended by jokes that may or may not pertain to you, you’re basically Kim Jong-Un.

I’m not going as far as to say BuzzFeed is the worst thing in the world. It’s slightly better than disease, war, and the MLS. But nowadays, it feels like I can’t even log on to Facebook to check who’s pregnant and who recently became a DJ without being being subjected to seeing a BuzzFeed “listicle” somebody I sort of know shared with somebody I apparently met that one time I visited a friend at their school. C’mon, you all know what I’m talking about. And if you don’t, you’re one of the lucky ones.

I’m not a respectable journalist. I’m not an editor. Hell, I can barely type three sentences without having to correct an egregious spelling error. In no way am I in any sort of position to determine what is and what isn’t quality web content. But damnit, I have a laptop, which means I can pretend to be an expert on anything as long as my Wifi works. Below are some lists that are probably on BuzzFeed.

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Editor’s note (I’m my own editor): If you know somebody at BuzzFeed, please forward them this link. I’ve provided them with a weeks worth of content here.

What character from ____________ are you? Take this quiz to find out, even though if you’re remotely familiar with the show you can decide what character you want to be from the onset and just manipulate the results by selecting the answers you already know coincide with your character.

I’m totally a Miranda by the way.

27 things only people from ___________ know that, in reality, are so fucking obvious anybody who’s ever visited ___________ for a week would be able to easily identify with.

Wait, you mean people in your town actually eat at the restaurant that has 9,000 perfect reviews on Yelp!? Mind = blown.

12 things that all girls/guys secretly do that are actually just basic human actions.

Guys pee in the shower sometimes? NO WAY.

Girls laugh when other girls fart? I DIDN’T EVEN KNOW GIRLS COULD FART.

343 ways to tell if he/she is really the one for you that are actually just based of the “authors” personal experience and are in no way reflective of the real dating culture.

He doesn’t let you lick Chobani yogurt off his finger while he cuddles next you and watches Downton Abbey? That’s a deal-breaker ladies!

7w9pp

62 Taylor Swift lyrics every twenty-something can relate to.

Considering that T-Swift is an acclaimed twenty-something singer/songwriter I hope this would be the case.

For the record, Taylor Swift is dope. It’s not her fault.

34 ways to make your lunch more InstaGram friendly.

Because unless you post it using the Perpetua filter, you Kimchi doesn’t count. #FoodPorn.

Speaking of #FoodPorn, what is this obsession with putting “Porn” on the end of every trend. Isn’t saying #DogPorn sort of weird? If you take a family photo on your trip to Barcelona, is it #DadPorn?

What if I’m posting something about quality pornography, is it #PornPorn?

Enjoy the rest of your day.

 

 

 

 

 

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